SMS Jokes

Have a laugh with funny text messages

You'll find funny sms jokes here, short enough to send by sms.

We hope you like our selection of free sms jokes, and if you want even more laughs, you can visit our carefully selected cool sms jokes websites. Laughter is the best medicine after all ...


"Just show me the sms jokes, dude!"

Tch, tch! Patience, patience! An sms joke takes time to grow, and it must be delivered... on time! Anybody would think I was Abe Simpson telling you what it used to be like "back in the day". That reminds me, the kids of today, they...


Free funny text messages

  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
  • Don't take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.
  • It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
  • The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

  • I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

  • All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

  • The universe is a figment of its own imagination.

  • I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

  • Is there another word for synonym?

  • Why don't men often show their true feelings?
    - Because they don't have any.

  • Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
    A: About 45 pounds!!

  • Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
    A: We don't know. Never happens.

  • Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

  • ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

  • Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
    A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

  • Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
    A: Outlaws are wanted.

  • Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
    A: A box of quackers.

  • Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.

  • When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £1.50 per minute.

  • Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own.

  • Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
    Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
    Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

  • I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

  • What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.

  • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

  • A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: "I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?"

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More funny text messages?

There are more funny text messages here, or take a look these popular websites:

  1. Funny text messages from

    Keep the school clean … stay home!

    Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
    This describes everything you are not!

  2. sms jokes from Txt2nite:

  3. free funny text messages from
    When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

    I once sniffed Coke, but the ice cubes blocked my nostrils...

Steve M Nash
Site owner of

PS Maybe you don't understand it when people type :-O or CU L8R. Well if that's the case you need to head over to our text dictionary if you please!