Funny Text Messages

Want to laugh at some funny SMS jokes?

Well, you can with this short collection of free funny text messages. We've included our favourite funny texts, as well as recommending funny sms resources.


Free SMS jokes

  • "Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes."

  • Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

  • There is no future in time travel.

  • Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.

  • Light bulb's love declaration: I love you a whole watt

  • If nobody is perfect then hi, my name is Nobody.

  • Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off till further notice!

  • Q: What's the definition of irreconcilable differences?
    A: When she's melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

  • If I begin to procrastinate today instead of tomorrow, would that be considered self-improvement?

  • The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

  • What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

  • Should we call real life the Outernet?

  • Save a little money each month and at the end of the year, you'll be surprised at how little you have.

  • Two sausages are in a frying pan. First sausage says: "It's hot in here". Second sausage replies: "Eeek, a talking sausage!" (My favourite! ;-) )

  • I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

  • Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

  • What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

  • ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

  • A girl called me & said "Come on over, nobody is home". I went over. Nobody was home.

  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

  • Why do dogs never marry? Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!

  • Q: Why is marriage like the Army?
    A: Everyone complains about it, but a surprising number re-enlist.

  • If it weren't for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

  • 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

  • The trouble with life is there is no background music.

  • A chrysanthemum by any other name would be much easier to spell

  • Conscience is the inner voice, which warns us that someone may be looking.
  • I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

  • Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,
    but behind every SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...

  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

  • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.


Find more sms jokes like these from



PS Maybe you don't understand it when people type :-O or CU L8R. Well if that's the case you need to head over to our sms dictionary if you please!